


Paris's Pet Cat

by WilhelmAres



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (Definitely Angst), Chat Noir Acts Like a Cat, Comedy, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Identity Reveal, LGBTQ Female Character, Plot, Puns & Word Play, like a lot, probably angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-13 09:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilhelmAres/pseuds/WilhelmAres
Summary: Little oneshots mostly of Chat being Paris's therapy cat. Maybe plot(Originally Crack Dealer)





	1. Here Comes The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our sunshine child connects the dots and loses his obliviousness.

Chat Noir and Ladybug are sitting on the rooftops in one of 7 repeating sections of Paris-- such as the glamourous hotel, the glorious Eiffel Tower, the common formation of white-beige roofs, and the plain school-- when Chat decides to make a visual pun. He jumps down and startles a pitiful nerd who gives up his Sharpie marker. Back up on the roof, he grabs His Lady's head and placed the tip of the marker on a spot of her mask.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Instead of answering, he moved the marker to another dot, leaving a line between the two. After he connected a third dot, his mental restraints starts falling away, revealing how most of his classmates are already dating. After another two dots, they fall some more, and he learns the divine truth that MarinetteIsJustAGoodFriend is a lying monster trying to eat his happiness, and that he does in fact hold a crush on his ambiguously hair coloured classmate. Finishing the dots, the chains fall free, and he sees through the minimally effective mask and says 4 little words.

"I love you, Marinette".

For which he is immediately punched straight in the nose with enough force to toss a ragdoll past the sound barrier, because of the sacred secret identity concept he broke.


	2. And Cute Little Fluffy Cats

"So, you love little cute fluffy cats?" Chat Noir asked entering the Lavillant daughter's room. "Thank you!"

"Well, you are definitely not little" Rose shot back. "cute is debatable, and only your head is fluffy."

 

Rubbing his fluffy, fluffy head on her shoulder as a sign of affection, he boasted "Oh, my cuteness is debatable? I may have claws, but this Rose has her thorns sharp! Debate me, then, My Flower."

"You know I'm not your flower, you stray". He noticed her staring longingly at a picture of her best friend. It was a topic he knew too well not to tease her about.

"You really do love her, don't you Rose? Why don't you ask her out?"

"She's straight. She has a crush on Nino."

"Nino Lahiffe? The Ladyblogger's boyfriend? And Juleka told you this?" He asked, scandalized.

"Yes. She said she liked him back in fourth grade."

"We're entering Lycée next year. It wouldn't hurt to get some up to date answers." Chat Noir said, perfectly aware of a near identical conversation he had with Juleka where she was convinced Rose didn't like her because of Prince Ali just yesterday.

And people thought he was oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a few more ideas for these Chat visits, so tell me if you like and I'll get out some more


	3. Sometimes A Family Is Two Lesbians And A Catboy, And That's Fine

"Congratulations, you lovebirds!" Chat Noir cheered, photographing the first (consentual) Julerose kiss. "Now, where's my thank you for causing this?"

"Hey, I was the one who asked her out!" And, Rose added quietly "Admittedly because you gave me the confidence to."

"That's not how I remember it. You were stuttering so bad I thought you were doing a Adrinette impression, and I had to walk you through your own confession, then ask you out on a date!"

"Fine, we're not going then, and we're through. Hey, now that you're single, do you want to go see a movie Saturday?"

"No thank you, I just got through with a rough break-up. Wanna be friends?" Juleka laughed, leaning in for another kiss. Unfortunately, a particularly large tide rocked the entire houseboat, knocking Rose into the bed.

Getting onto the relevant, if very uncomfortable, topic, Chat asked "So, it seems your photo curse is still broken. Are you still claustrophobic?"

"A bit. I really hate Sabrina for that. Gods know how long I would have been stuck there if I wasn't akumatized" the goth responded silently.

"And any noted side effects?".

"None. I don't think anyone has any".

"Me neither. Is that actually something to worry about?" Rose worried.

"I don't think so. It's just that Akumas are a new problem, and we don't know how they affect people over time. I know My Lady hates the cold now, and I love to cuddle and take catnaps, but that could just be prolonged exposure. Tell your mother I'll see her tomorrow, Juleka. I need to see the Cesaire family now."


	4. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner (Chat Noir. Chat Noir Is Coming To Dinner)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dinner with the Césaire Family, and a talk with a fox.

"Are you sure it's okay for us to stay here? I know this is checking in on those who have been akumatized and we haven't" Marlena worried.

Chat Noir was too distracted by Them to complain. At first, he looked like a 3m tall mixture of Alya and Marinette but male and 27 years old. He left everyone's field of view, and suddenly there was a 1m, 5 year old fusion of Ella/Etta and Manon at Chat's waist.

"Are you guys sure They aren't akumatized?" Chat asked extremely cautiously.

'I hold no desire for your ring Adrien. My one wish is for the universe to finally decide on a form for me. The ability to exist independent of others' perception of me. You have no idea the agony of my entire physical form being ripped apart and forged together again in the span of a blink of an eye' They thought directly into Chat Noir's mind in a voice identical to his own.

"Did anyone else here that? They knows my name!"

"Don't worry son, They only talks directly to someone. Nobody else can hear". Otis stated as though that was the most normal thing in the world.

Barely, but successfully, placated by that, Chat started eating. Conversation wasn't particularly slow, but it was simple. "Thanks for bringing my animals back" "Your friend Marinette tried to help an old man who choked on Marinette Soup" "I really hate models". Until, of course, Chat needed to check up on them as akuma victims and not as a friend's family.

"So, still no lasting effects for you guys?"

"No! The Sapotis still hasn't come back" the twins shouted together.

"Although these two are as rambunctious as ever" Marlena laughed.

"Yes, actually. I've noticed something weird" Otis said dead seriously while removing his shirt. Pointing at the uncomfortable amount of chest hair, he laughed out "I'm turning into a monkey!"

"Monkey monkey monkey man!" Ella and Etta sang.

"Nothing really. The WiFi is a bit better, but that just might be a new tower." Alya said, neglecting to include how she barked at Nino when she saw him with Adrien and Marinette yesterday.

"Speaking of you, M'Ladybug requested to speak to you tonight. I'll bring you to her after dinner. But enough about that, are you sure you're alright? I know enough about mind controlling akumas to know they can take a number out of you"

"It's... It's not like akumatization. We don't remember what it's like being akumatized, but it's a damn coinflip with mind control. Roger doesn't remember being a puppet, but I do. So does Nathaniel. I remember the fever coursing through my body before attacking Nino. I don't remember anything from Dark Cupid though."

"All of us were conscious under Kung Food" Marlena added.

"I think that's enough, dear. How about you put the twins and They to bed, I'll clean up, and Alya can do whatever our heros need of her" Otis interrupted.

*On the Eiffel Tower*

"Alya Césaire. You have proven incredibly trustworthy, and immensely reliable. Our Master passed away this week, and we need some new, permanent additions to our team. Will you take the honour of being the True Bearer of the Fox Miraculous?" Ladybug announced a bit too dramatically.

"We will reveal all of us when we get everyone together. I kinda messed up with M'Lady and a permanent marker, but it's all good".

"Yes. My God yes! Thank you so much, I won't let you down!" Alya bursted out with the joy of a million Christmases.

Alya opened the box, and light bursted forth. Trixx barked when (s)he first saw her, and immediately knew this would last a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Went to make sure I had their names correct, and discovered an apparent "Unnamed Césaire Sibling who's age, gender, and (obviously) name are completely unknown. Actually, everything about them is unknown.  
> Also, yes. That was Master Fu killed off by choking on soup.


End file.
